Happy birthday to me!
No, you didn't miss my birthday! (but I except gifts year around ;) TEHE!
This week I celebrated my FIRST year of teaching Holy Yoga. This is a HUGE victory! You see I went up (& go up) against some pretty big giants this past year.
Tuesday morning, before I taught I went on to Facebook to see if anyone was coming to my class ;) & I saw a video in my feed that had me LAID OUT, on the floor in tears.
It was a just Pampers Commercial & Mom's were bringing their baby's in for their one year check up. (Posted below)
These Mom's sat with the doctor & talked about this past year. they said things like:::
I was insure
I was worried
Am I doing this right
Everything is new
I didn't know what to do
loss of sleep
Boy could I relate to EVERYTHING they were saying & THEN SOME! I felt SO inadequate this year. This 'not knowing' space.
Am I enough?
Did I say enough?
Did I do enough?
Do they understand me?
Did I touch her?
Is this ALL worth it?
Is anyone going to show up?
Don't get me wrong, this year has held some great moments of clarity & JOY but for most part of this season has been messy...foggy...unsettled.
As I look back over this year I see a little girl who just wants to please her Daddy & be what HE created her to be. ..Just to be near HIM & to make HIS presence known.
This new space is yes, unfamiliar territory (but not really) for me but not for HIM. HE is leading me deeper, closer... side by side kind of friendship, & I am so scared but a excited sacred. I get to know Him in a new way. I get to see Him in a different way.
So in the Pampers commercial the Dad's come in while the Mom's are in their appointment & decorate the hallways that the they will walk through with pics of the past year. The Dad's acknowledge them & all that they have sacrificed. Even spoke words over them. Made them a cake & had them blow out a candle.
So Tuesday morning I got this image of my Abba, MY Heavenly Father putting up my (OUR) pictures of this past year.... of all the times I've ran to HIM, cried out to HIM, felt HIS pleasure & even HIS distance, times where I've had feelings of 'not enough'...& you know what Beloved, HE was there...HE was SO there with me. You see HE desires ME. (ME?!) I don't ever think I will be able to wrap my head/heart around HIS lavish love for me. ..but I will spend my lifetime in pursuit of HIM.
So it's just right, left, right, left...I do the natural, HE does the SUPER...
So... I am SO grateful, like a Momma with her one year old baby on her knee, blowing out that candle & shoving that cake in her face...Yes, it was messy, it was hard but you know what I'd do it ALL over again because of HIM...I get MORE of HIM & His presence is my breath.
So today, I'm going to blow out my candle & celebrate all the hidden, seen & unseen VICTORIES that this year has held.
These might be some of the pictures:::
This was me right before I walked into my very first class at Yoga Because, September 13, 2013. HOLY!
THIS was the beautiful souls that were at my first class. Taught on Peter getting out of the boat. HOLY!
This was my biggest class up at Young Life ...just a few feet where I did my Student Teaching. HOLY!
This was when I got to observe NEW Instructors doing their very first Student teaching. HOLY!
This was now of my classes that it was just me & Jesus. HOLY!
Beloved, may you continue to pursue your pursuer!
Here's that video:::
