Life in the Desert

Ten years ago, THIS week we moved from my promise-land, TEXAS to the desert...aka Scottsdale Arizona. I got the rug ripped out from under me... the rug of green grass & in exchange I got dirt.  When I was little I NEVER imagined living any other place.  In all my dreams it was me & Justin sipping some sweet, iced tea on my front porch when we were old & gray.  So needless to say this was a HUGE change of plans! 

One thing about the Desert is, it's HOT & heat, my Friends is revealing.  It revealed that my Faith was not my own.  You see, I got to grow up in a small town & my Momma made sure that every time the church doors were open that we were there.  I am SO thankful for my upbringing & grateful that to this day I still remember allot of the songs & scripture that where imbedded in me at a very early age! 

But now here in this Desert, did I really believe what I said I believed.  I didn't 'feel' God like before & when I prayed it was as if my prayers hit the ceiling & bounced right back down.  And when I was out hiking & I would walk by someone & no one said 'HELLO' or 'GOOD MORNING' & coming from the South everyone waves & you are seen.  I made cookies for the Walmart Guy because he was the only one that acknowledged me & looked me in the eyes!  I felt all alone.  In my deep depression I turned to an old 'friend' ...bulimia.  The thing about an eating disorder is that it works for awhile.  It was my way to control things that seemed out of control to me.  It was my way to 'cope'.

Months & months went by & one Sunday morning I was emailing a friend back home expressing (complaining) my thoughts.  Justin was working ALLOT to get the Restaurant up & running & there seemed to be no-one like me (a Jesus loving, stay-at-home Momma) & NOT TO MENTION, I moved into Melrose Place...everyone was fit & beautiful & they had their kids every other weekend, so play dates where very inconsistent.  I wanted someone with skin on, to tell me I was going to make it through this CRAZY Season!

and then I heard a whisper, 'where do you think someone like you would be on a Sunday morning?'  Duh!  So I went to the only church I knew that had a late Sunday morning service & by the end of the service I had signed up for a program called 'Homemakers By Choice'.

That next Thursday I went. (that's a big deal-because apart of me felt a little safe in my isolation)  And I sat down in a room full of Women & a beautiful & outgoing Girl leaned over & said HI to me FIRST... It was right then & there that I knew we were going to be friends!  And 10 years later she is still my Best friend. Katy & I have done life together!  Through diapers, depression, moves, more babies, & so much more we have 'seen' each other & spoken Life over each other.  She has been one of my biggest blessing in this desert place.

My desert season exposed my need to replace old coping habits with HIM, alone.  That's the thing about heat...  It brings light to dark places & reveals areas of darkness.

In 1 Peter 1:7 it says...
These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold--though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.

Friends, I can tell you, NOW because I've walked through the fire... that I know, that I know, that I know HE is ALL that I need.  HE is good.  HE is faithful to never leave us.  HE so loves us.

If anyone were to ask me where I am from, it's always going to be Texas. You can take the Girl out of Texas but not the Texas out of the Girl. ;)  I still say 'HELLO' & wave at strangers & every once in while they wave back.  But know this...I have found life in the Desert...not just any old life, a FULL life, Abundantly FREE life!  The life that my Abba intended me to have!

So Beloved, if you are in a desert space press into HIM. HE's SO got good things for you {in} the desert!

Saul's Armor

This week I was reading to my little boy his all time favorite Bible story & something jumped out at me like never before. 

You have probably heard of David & Goliath, right. Well David comes to bring some lunch to his brothers & hears this 9 foot man taunting God's army & he (the shepherd boy) decides he will take that giant down. So King Saul says to David in 1 Samuel 17:

³⁸ Then Saul gave David his own armor—a bronze helmet and a coat of mail. ³⁹ David put it on, strapped the sword over it, and took a step or two to see what it was like, for he had never worn such things before.
“I can’t go in these,” he protested to Saul. “I’m not used to them.” So David took them off again. ⁴⁰ He picked up five smooth stones from a stream and put them into his shepherd’s bag. Then, armed only with his shepherd’s staff and sling, he started across the valley to fight the Philistine.

We all know the end of the story. David defeated Goliath with one stone!
What I love about David is that he knew that Saul's armor wasn't for him.  He knew exactly who he was & what has brought him victory in the past.

So many of us try to wear 'Saul's Armor'.  We see someone else operating in their gifting & we desire the same gift. 
Or we compare ourselves ...
Or we become jealous...
Or we try as hard as my can to 'fit in' that armor.  It's exhausting!  I've tried it ALL!

Maybe it's those Skinny Jeans for you?
Or a number on the scale?
Or a position of honor & success?

What ever your 'armor' is, it's place of bondage. it's a place of striving. it's NOT what the LORD has JUST for y.o.u.

I believe the reason David did not have a problem saying no the Saul's Armor is because he knew who he was ...& whose he was. 

David was the last to get the e-vite to his own anointing party when he was 12 b/c he didn't LOOK the part.  But Samuel was instructed by God to look at the heart. (1 Samuel 16:7) David was the one that God had chosen. He set him apart. He was as it says in Acts 'a man after God's own heart'. (Acts 13:22)

Also, David had beaten a lion & bear (1 Samuel 17:34-37), so he wasn't afraid of this big man.
I believe when we know & believe who we are in Christ we will never want to be anyone other than who HE created us to be!

So let me challenge you... Take off that armor that wasn't meant for you. And pick up your staff & sling & slay your giant with ease.


BeLoved.

Leaving Behind

Brothers, {& Sisters} I do not consider that I have 'made it' on my own. But one thing I do: 'forgetting what lies behind' & straining forward to what lies ahead. I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14

Yesterday I taught my last Holy Yoga class of 2013. We talked about what we were leaving behind in 2013. We didn't talk about weight or our size b/c in this Holy space we desire to get rid of the 'things' that really weigh us down. Things like shame... guilt... fear... rejection... 

In order to 'press on toward our goal' for 2014 I think we need to leave some things behind. 

For me a big one is fear of falling/failing. I'm going to learn to fall forward & not hold myself in bondage to even try because it's not perfect, yet. I went to an inversion workshop & realized I wasn't letting myself reach my potential b/c of my fear of falling. And also not being able to control my fall. My Mom use to call me Grace b/c I had issues w/the ground & my feet! :) and even off my mat I'm not writing my Blog b/c I look at others (be mistake) & I compare. So I willing don't write b/c it's not 'perfect'. So I am saying goodbye to the fear of falling & failing & I will be in process of learning how to fall FORWARD to press on toward my goal. 

Another BIG thing, that I have had great  victory in in the past but I have seen rise up in other areas is the fear of rejection. So I turn into this 'pleaser of man' so that 'they' will like me. So I will be leaving the people pleaser behind in 2013. And the only way I am made able to do so is because I am Accepted as the Beloved. Eph 1:6.(That's enough for me!)

In verse 12 Paul says, 'Not that I have already obtained 'this' or am 'perfect', BUT I press on to make it my own, b/c Christ Jesus has made ME HIS won.

So, My sister, what do you want to leave behind in 2013?

 

 

Tomorrows Freedom Is Todays Surrender

Last week I get a FB message from one of my FAVorite Holy Yoga instructors asking 'ME' to sub for her in five days! & my first response was ...I am NOT ready. Send.
& just like that I became Moses again. You know when HE's talking to GOD in a burning bush EX 3&4) & Moses tells GOD that He can't speak & I need Aaron to speak for me. Send someone else...AKA ...He's not ready.

Right after I sent the message I walked into church. I am apart of an amazing church & one of the many things that I love about my church is the 'thickness' of HIS presence during worship. You can't come into a space like that, seeking HIM & not see HIM. It's SO, so good. On that day I couldn't in all honesty lift my hands and sing 'my God is enough for me' b/c I had just sent a message that I wasn't ready...Meaning that my God isn't really enough for me...
By the end of worship God had really done a work on me & showed me that WE were ready. SO I was jumping in NO MATTER what! I'm done being Moses needing an Aaron to speak. HE has made me for this ...so I surrender. I'm doing it scared...no, terrified!!! 

I spent some really good time just me & Jesus ...you know the kind where you just know if you had heavenly eyes you could see Him sitting right next to me...
HE asked me why I was terrified? ...

What it came down to is that I didn't want to fail in front of everybody & I'm scared that YOU are not going to speak through me... But I'm mostly terrified that I will miss out on what HE is doing in & through Holy Yoga. 

As soon as I was able to surrender to ALL HE had for me ...good, bad & even maybe the ugly...I felt total & complete FREEDOM! To play. To have fun! knowing that I really can't make a mistake!

So on the day of the class I talked about Peter taking a step out of the boat... And how it was a step of surrender... & how I want to always be READY to get out of the boat when my Maker says 'Come'.

So Beloved, what's YOUR boat? & what is HE inviting you to surrender ...

Freedom

When I first moved to Arizona I was blown away to see the birds here not using their wings! I would be driving down the road & I would have to slam on my breaks when a quail would RUN out in front of me & they would sometimes wait till the last minute to fly away, if they flew at all. In Texas quails fly! They are in trees. They are not on the ground unless something is wrong. But here in Arizona there is this different breed of quail. They don't use their wings as much.

It says in Galatians 5:1-It is for freedom that He has set you free. Stand firm then, & do not let yourself be burdened by the yoke of slavery.

How many of us are truly FLYing in our freedom? Or should I say soaring? Are you using your wings? And why wouldn't we? 

I think sometimes we get comfortable in our captivity. You know that space of 'at least I know what to expect' or the space of 'complacency'. A place where we are ok with our own Mediocrity. 

But here's the thing. Jesus didn't crawl up on that cross to just save me but for me to walk in freedom! ...or even FLY!

So I'm no longer a slave to my pride or my stomach. I am free to choose to rely on the Holy Spirit to have victory & FLY. 

I read that Arizona quail take to the wings when they have to but they prefer to run because they can go up to 12mph & they can weave in & out under thick underbrush. 

Isn't that so like us. We find victory in one area & want to stay in that area instead of pressing into Him for victory in a new space. Let's not be complacent & strengthen already strong places but lets build new spaces of freedom. Let's jump with out knowing exactly how to fly. 

It is for freedom that He has set you free.

Is there a space where you feel like you are choosing comfortable captivity? If so, what can you do today to fly in freedom? 

Fly, Beloved. FLY!

Transitions

 

I've been practicing yoga for about four years now.  Originally my goal was to do the splits & I can say after many, many classes I have accomplished my goal & along the way I've learned my body can do allot more than I had ever imagined.  Yet in the midst of having victories in some of these poses I was missing the point.  When you watch a seasoned Yogi practice it's beautiful.  It is fluid & full of grace & peace.  The Poses that they can do are amazing but the TRANSISTIONS are what makes it a work of art.  You see transitions aren't nearly as rewarding to our ego as the glory of a full pose but here in lies the secret.  When your body is fully aligned & engaged in a pose there is a sense of arrival.  The bones adsorb much of the weight & your muscles support & stabilize you.  BUT during a transition your mind has to figure out where you are going & tell your body.  Most of us turn toward momentum & rely on muscles that are already strong.  Transitions are opportunities to build strength & integrity in new places.
I'm in a 'transitions' my life right now.  I have seen God be faithful & good in the past.  He has stretched me & grown me to places that I never thought possible.  AND I know that HE will remain faithful & good.  And HE will continue to do NEW things in & through me.  But right now, today I am in TRANSITION.
So in my yoga instructor training I'm learning the key to having good transitions.
1.Fully Engaged
2.Fully Aligned
3.Breath
So in my LIFE I'm learning the key to having good transitions.
1.Fully Engaged with the NOW. I am not wishing away this moment or using momentum to just 'get through' this day.  I practicing being present.  With the help of the Holy Spirit I am fully engaged w/HIM.
2.Fully Aligned with my Maker.  That means I spend some time in His word, aware of His presence & He adjust my thoughts to His Plum Line.
3.Breath.  I sit in this place of 'In Between' & I breath. 
So in my space of 'transition' I want to press into HIM & build strength & integrity into new places...How about you?  Won't you join me, Beloved?

Are you Striving?

I don't even remember a time that I wasn't 'Striving'.  I remember sucking-in while getting out of the pool in my brand new swim suit when I was little, little.  Or always wanting curly hair and after about 20 perms I gave up!  Or always running in races striving for that first place ribbon but always having to settle for that rainbow participation ribbon.  Today my striving looks a little different but it still feels as though I'm running in a race that I can not win!

What is this 'STRIVING' thing about? ..& is ALL bad?  Aren't I supposed to try my to be my best? And what's the difference between trying & striving?

To TRY- To make an attempt/effort to do something/experiment
To STRIVE-To make great efforts to achieve/obtain something/STRUGGLE/fight vigorously

The difference between trying & striving is the STRUGGLE.  There is no struggle in the trying because of the Holy Spirit.  When we allow the Holy Spirit to be what He was made for (Our Helper)there is no struggle/striving that needs to be done because it's already done.  (1John 1:9)

Last year I got to coach my Girls Volleyball team & I noticed something...  If you're not familiar with Volleyball, in order to win you need to win at least 2 sets out of 3.  What I started noticing is when our Girls had already won the first two sets they would play the third set much more relaxed, they would try new things like over-hand serves or spiking, they would not let a mistake go into the next play, & they smiled!  They were playing from a place of Victory.  They knew they already had a 'W' so it didn't matter if they 'made a mistake', they just played.  Don't get me wrong they still wanted to win that last set & never stopped trying but there wasn't that striving.

Psalms 46:10-Be still & know that I am God.  In the NASB it says ...'Cease from Striving' & know that I am God.

Today when I feel myself striving...& you know by the fragrance (another blog :)) If I just sit, be still, & cease from striving... it is in that place where I find victory even when I'm still running the race!